i love talking about marriage any chance i can get. and as much as this is a wedding website about how my husband and i are wedding photographers and how amazingly gorgeous our couples are and we get to capture the best days ever, i also want it to be a place that celebrates the marriage vows. and dig into the real life of marriage. after the wedding day stuff.
(i also share on my personal site about our life and marriage if you want to come find our life there >> bethanyburt)
it’s a bunch of normal, wonderful days. all mixed together. marriage.
i will probably love weddings until the day i die. and i will most certainly love marriage until then, also. wedding days are the pretty, festive beginning. and then all the days that happen after are the marriage. sometimes we put too much focus on the one day, and not enough on all the after days.
we all have choices and determine ourselves how our married days and years go.
early on we decided it was of utmost importance to live our days out joyfully and with merry hearts. the biggest shift in our marriage was in year one. we had to learn how to fight. there are many things you can do to prepare for marriage like seeking wise counsel from married people you respect and asking them all the questions. we were blessed with the best mentor couple ever, which seems unfair but now i promise to help share that message with all of you as we continue to write marriage posts.
we did all sorts of personality testing and even to be silly, horoscope testing. funny enough all of the tests said we were pretty doomed. this only sort of briefly jolted me. i was super worried for a tiny while that these tests could be right and i shouldn’t married such an opposite. and then thankfully i came to my senses and realized how silly that was. there were perfect matches for me personality wise and horoscope wise and i can tell you right now that would not have worked AT ALL. i’m thankful i stayed with my ethan and we pursued on.
we had to learn to be one hundred percent for one another. when i would fight ethan i would be so against him and i would feel absolutely completely lonely and that he was obviously against me. what it really was was just two stubborn humans thinking they were both right and not understanding why we married such a stupid person if they cannot figure out how right we were. i was really worried in the beginning at how much we did not agree with one another.
i love how patient ethan b was with me while i was fighting him so poorly. i would hurt him to his very being when i thought he was against me, not for me. it went way beyond whatever we were arguing about and was obviously a more serious root issue. that we had to get to the bottom of.
we decided to always know that no matter what we are FOR one another, always. so during the worst disagreements when it just seems like we would never come to a compromise or solution, remembering that we are for one another. always a team, helped. it doesn’t even help us find the solution faster, but it helps us cope with the time in between coming to the great solution/compromise. i have full confidence that my husband is for me. i never feel lonely. even when i feel alone in my opinions. i know i have a mate still. and we will work this out. this was huge for me. i always thought fighting had to be one winner and one loser (and i made sure i shouted louder to be the winner) but when you fight that way in a marriage, you both lose. big time. now we fight, often still (again, both babies of the family fighting to be heard and to be right), so i hope that is encouraging to you, but we are always for this marriage.
communication. kissing. choosing one another over and over again. greeting one another with smiles. that’s all my favorite. those little everyday moments and choices. they really do go by so quickly if you don’t choose to use each moment wisely. if you go three days without talking, it’s super easy to go three years without talking. we do not go one day without using loving words towards one another. and we do not go one week without discussing something that is bothering either one of us. no matter how hard it is so say or how awkward the conversation gets.
one of the best pieces of advice i ever received was to ALWAYS GREET MY HUSBAND.
it is the best feeling in the world to felt wanted and to feel seen by your spouse. that they would still choose you and give you in-love, swoony eyes. no matter how many years have gone by. i love that i was shown this and taught this early on. no matter what i’m doing when ethan gets home, i go greet him. it is inexpensive and makes a significant difference over time.
think about it. if he comes home and i’m busy doing whatever it is i am doing and do not say hello and do not greet him with my face and/or a kiss, how long until he also stops noticing me? and just continues to not stop what he’s doing to see me and greet me? greetings are so important to keep up with after marriage. we cannot get “too busy” to hug and squeeze and be happy to see our main person. why do we expect our marriages to be perfect with little effort? no. you must effort. this was something i decided was very important to me and no nothing, not dishes or laundry or food or netflix is more important than stopping what i’m doing and going to show my husband some love. i encourage my friends by saying “go be a wife” and they know i mean go get you some loving from that man of yours. go to him. make him feel wanted and needed and so very loved. i promise you won’t be sorry about it.
this can also happen when you’re out and about or out with friends or even at the grocery store. it’s really cute and wonderful and keeps us young and in love. we will separate at a gathering and “greet” eyes from across the room. butterflies. at the grocery, you go clear across the store to grab hair pins and meet him back by the sour cream. say words like "missed you", give him a bum squeeze. boom. perfect greeting moment. happiness. playfulness.
it’s wonderful. i would hate to miss out on that.
women have this wonderful ability to be welcoming. inviting. and i know by my tone or my face what i am inviting my husband into. i have had much practice now in seven years. it does not go well when i invite him into my anger or frustration of the day. but when i welcome him at any point in the day with soft eyes of love, we are far better connected and can face frustrations of any kind together and with more ease.
i love navigating this joyful married life. this love burt living. and i love sharing how great a marriage can be. it is my hope, deep down in my heart, that others will experience the fullness of marriage.